Paras rupa & Hati budi

Maybe aku x cantek mcm model. xde hidung mancung mcm org pakistan. xde mate bulat yg comel. xde kening halus mcm ulat bulu. hahaha. aku admit yg mmg aku xde sume tu. muka aku mmg typical je. Biasa la, org jawa jgk in the end kn. TAPI, aku bersyukur sbb aku dilahirkan cukup sempurna & tiada cacat cela dr segi fizikal. Alhamdulillah. Kenapa kte mesti nak bandingkan dri sendri dgn org yg perfect walhal kte bleh tgk org2 cacat n igtkn dri sendri yg kte sebenarnya BERTUAH. Dlu mungkin aku dayus n selalu terpengaruh dgn buah mulut manusia. Selalu rse x konfiden n semestinya low self esteem. But now sume dah berubah. Aku terima diri aku seadanya and aku happy sebab masih ade yg terima walau aku mcmni. :)

A wish

Recently I have learnt that by not expressing myself and my emotions, I have been dealing with it by being frustrated with myself. I have been thinking about others' feelings without considering my own. I never felt so much hatred in my heart. And I never thought I could consume all that. I hate this feeling of anger,hatred and betrayal.

Really. All I want to do is live in harmony. If I don't interfere with your life,then please leave mine alone! I think I'm done being like this. If anyone wants to kill each other and start World War 3,then let them be. My life is too short for me to waste it on these silly things that doesn't even matter.

I'm letting go of my past. And that includes EVERYTHING and EVERYONE that doesn't matter. I'm letting go of this hatred coz I know it can only bring harm to others. Besides, I have known a certain someone who can't appreciate the life that was given to her. And I don't wanna be like that. I have learnt from her mistakes and I hope one day,she will too. Aaamin.

It's not right to feel this way and it's also not right to let others step all over me. So from now on, I'm gonna go back to my old ways. Where nothing bothers me except someone who matters. Furthermore, they are the only one who really cares. So why should I neglect them? ;)

As for that certain someone,I wish you no harm and all the best in your life. Sometimes I do miss what we had but I realize now that you are never gonna change. So my last wish for you is for you to understand that people have feelings too. It's not always about you. Please,you must understand this in order for you to change.

I'm gonna wait until that day comes when you finally realize what have you done wrongly. I know that you said anyone can give you an advice but truth is, no one really could. Know why? Coz you will only reject it and you will put the blame on others. So until then,I'm just gonna distant myself.

Really, I would love to have my old life back. When we all live in harmony and the only thing that we were worried about was money. and maybe,the final exam. that's all.

If I could turn back time,there are surely some things that I would love to change but then my life would be different right? then I wouldn't have met all of you guys. So really, there's nothing I would wanna change. Even though this is my life now,I still appreciates it just the way it is.

From this day onwards, I'll be calmer,wiser and definitely,stronger. :)

It's time for a change

I used to have a plan figured out for my life. I used to think I know it all,the ending etc etc. But when the truth came up,I was left unspoken. It was the sudden and final showdown for me. So when I met someone who can ease my misery,I took my time to make sure that it's real. Well, truth be told,I didn't give myself enough time to think. I thought I have found my saviour. But this time,I'm gonna save myself instead. It never crossed my mind that too much time spent on each other will lead to a crappy relationship. Owh! I forgot. We don't have one. Maybe that's the REAL problem. I wanted to cry,hit him and run,but all I can do is smile. All I wanted was someone to call my own. Someone who will appreciate me as much as I appreciates him. Someone who won't be afraid to share his feelings with me. Maybe I have found him. Maybe I got to give him more time to think,or maybe it's too late. Now it's time for a change. For the first time in my life,I'm putting MYSELF first. not you,and definitely not others. It's been nice all this while but I do believe that there's gotta be more to my life than just living under your expectations. This time,I won't back down. U had your chances but u waste it. No more time will be given to u. It's now MY TIME to shine. adios

Little Miss Invisible

"I feel so invisible nowadays. Totally friendless. Totally ALONE."

I really wish somehow someone somewhere can make me believe again. The word "FRIENDS" have lost it's holiness. It meant nothing to everyone but me. How can this be? When friends are supposed to be the family that WE CHOSE. Somehow, nobody rely on it anymore. Friendship is now for the sake of social climbing dumb whore. I pity them.
I really do.

I've been a friend. A crying shoulder. Someone people can depend on when they need an advice. I have played my part as a friend,as honest as I can be. They hurt my feelings too often and yet I never complained. They abandoned me as if I'm not a human. They overlook to see that I was there.

ohh well,maybe I was never their friend to begin with. Maybe I'm just some "person" they met along their journey. I don't know. but I really hope someday,someone would see.



How sacred the word "friends" means to me.

Thanks for accepting me ; flaws and all

I'm a train wreck in the morning
I'm a bitch in the afternoon
Every now and then without warning
I can be really mean towards you

I'm a puzzle yes indeed
Ever complex in every way
And all the pieces aren't even in the box
And yet, you see the picture clear as day

I don't know why you love me
And that's why I love you
You catch me when I fall
Accept me, flaws and all
And that's why I love you
And that's why I love you
And that's why I love. . . mmmm

I neglect you when I'm working
When I need attention I tend to nag
I'm a host of imperfection
And you see past all that

I'm a peasant by some standards
But in your eyes I'm a queen
You see potential in all my flaws
And that's exactly what I mean

I don't know why you love me
And that's why I love you
You catch me when I fall
Accept me, flaws and all
And that's why I love you
And that's why I love you
And that's why I love. . .you

I don't know why you love me
And that's why I love you
You catch me when I fall
Accept me flaws and all
And that's why I love you
And that's why I love you
And that's why I love you
You, you, you

waiting..

I would like to fall deeply in love. I would like to let my guards down. I would like for someone to come and swept me off my feet. Oh yeah. I would like for many things to occur. But somehow, I still don't find the right time nor the right guy. Everytime I want to let myself fell deeply in love,something always came up to bring me back to reality. It hurts a LOT. Knowing that you can have your perfect moments within the reach of your fingertips. But then again,so much is holding me back. So many things at stake that I'm not ready to give up. I'm still waiting. yeah. I am.

When the time is right,we will know

Assalamualaikum

“aku dan dia dah putus…”

“kenapa?”

“aku dah x sayangkan dia. pelik bukan.tiba-tiba saja perasaan tu hilang”

“kau pasti dengan keputusan kau.kau x kesiankan dia? dia sayang kau…”

“kesian la jugak. tapi bila aku fikir balik. lagi kesian kalau aku teruskan. aku dah x mampu…”

“buatlah apa yang kau rasa terbaik….”

selepas setahun.

“aku geram. dia tipu aku. lepas setahun baru aku tahu…”

“kenapa? apa yang dah jadi…?”

“dia ada ramai perempuan belakang aku. dia tipu aku.aku rasa pedih. terlalu pedih…”

“kenapa kau pedih. kan perasaan kau dekat dia dah lama hilang”

“entah. mungkin rasa dikhianati. x dihargai.mungkin kalau aku sayang dia. sekarang aku dah longlai. separuh mati aku terluka. rabak. koyak. patah….”

“lupakanlah. jangan bebani hati fikiran diri kau dengan benda dah lepas ni…tidurlah dah lewat…”

“aku tak boleh stop. mata aku x boleh nak lelap .kecewa aku menggunung. otak aku overtime….”

.

beberapa bulan kemudian

“Aku selalu tertanya-tanya kenapa perasaan aku pada dia boleh hilang. Sekelip mata.”

“kau ada jawapan?”

…senyum “ada…mudah.”

“apa dia?”

“bila aku pandang semua benda yang jadi tu ada hikmah.aku mula refleksi balik segala apa yang aku dah buat.apa yang jadi dalam hidup aku.dan aku dapat jawapan.kau nak tahu?”

“kongsi lah…”

“Allah sayang aku. Dia taknak aku setia pada orang yang x hargai aku. Dia benarkan aku tahu kebenaran setelah setahun.mungkin masa tu baru kekuatan aku cukup untuk menampung kekecewaan aku.dan aku fikir-fikir balik, Allah beri yang terbaik untuk aku.sedangkan banyak benda yang aku lalai.hubungan aku dengan Allah aku terabai.”

“maksud kau?”

“aku banyak berfikir.refleksi balik segalanya.cari jawpan pada soalan-soalan aku.aku kadang-kadang lalai dalam mengingati Allah.leka dengan cinta lelaki.aku dah bazirkan masa,duit untuk cinta lelaki.aku dah sedar aku sepatutnya fokus cinta kepada Pencipta.nak tahu sesuatu?”

“teruskan aku dengar…”

“aku pernah tanya kenapa aku jumpa lelaki yang salah.sekarang aku rasa aku tahu kenapa.aku belum cukup baik.dan aku kena betulkan diri aku untuk dapat yang terbaik. Rasa cinta itu memang anugerah daripada Allah.tapi kita manusia ni lebih menghargai rasa cinta itu daripada Si Pemberi.

Kakak sepupu aku pernah cakap bila kita couple susah nak kawal bukan…rindulah sayanglah then gaduh sampai emo seminggu.lepas itu mula nak pegang-pegang tangan, bergambar rapat-rapat…sebab tu,lebih baik mencegah daripada mengubati bukan…”

“so sekarang?”

“aku tengah berjuang.menjadi lebih baik.doakan.selangkah.dua langkah…aku sedang berlari.mendekati Pencipta…”

“lelaki?cinta?”

“hanya yang Halal.janji Allah itu pasti.”

“kau yakin sekarang?rasa lebih baik?”

“alhamdulillah.semua jawapan-jawapan yang aku cari membawa aku pada Allah.aku nampak cahaya melambai-lambai dari jauh.cahaya itu yang buat aku bangun.dan ketenangan itu milik aku.sungguh,hikmah itu kalau dicari gali manisnya tiada berpenghujung.aku khilaf.sebab aku tahu Allah sentiasa ada, cuma manusia yang mencipta jarak.

Itu kata-kata yang aku rasa sesuai dengan situasi aku.mungkin dulu aku nak dekat dengan Dia bila nak sesuatu atau sedih kecewa saja.tapi sekarang aku dah sedar,faham tanggungjawab aku.Allah buktikan lagi sayang Dia pada aku dengan adanya perasaan ini.syukur ”

P/s: mmg ni la the exact words n cte yg ak nk smpikn. n mmg btol. ak da alami situasi yg sme. Alhamdulillah.