A wish

Recently I have learnt that by not expressing myself and my emotions, I have been dealing with it by being frustrated with myself. I have been thinking about others' feelings without considering my own. I never felt so much hatred in my heart. And I never thought I could consume all that. I hate this feeling of anger,hatred and betrayal.

Really. All I want to do is live in harmony. If I don't interfere with your life,then please leave mine alone! I think I'm done being like this. If anyone wants to kill each other and start World War 3,then let them be. My life is too short for me to waste it on these silly things that doesn't even matter.

I'm letting go of my past. And that includes EVERYTHING and EVERYONE that doesn't matter. I'm letting go of this hatred coz I know it can only bring harm to others. Besides, I have known a certain someone who can't appreciate the life that was given to her. And I don't wanna be like that. I have learnt from her mistakes and I hope one day,she will too. Aaamin.

It's not right to feel this way and it's also not right to let others step all over me. So from now on, I'm gonna go back to my old ways. Where nothing bothers me except someone who matters. Furthermore, they are the only one who really cares. So why should I neglect them? ;)

As for that certain someone,I wish you no harm and all the best in your life. Sometimes I do miss what we had but I realize now that you are never gonna change. So my last wish for you is for you to understand that people have feelings too. It's not always about you. Please,you must understand this in order for you to change.

I'm gonna wait until that day comes when you finally realize what have you done wrongly. I know that you said anyone can give you an advice but truth is, no one really could. Know why? Coz you will only reject it and you will put the blame on others. So until then,I'm just gonna distant myself.

Really, I would love to have my old life back. When we all live in harmony and the only thing that we were worried about was money. and maybe,the final exam. that's all.

If I could turn back time,there are surely some things that I would love to change but then my life would be different right? then I wouldn't have met all of you guys. So really, there's nothing I would wanna change. Even though this is my life now,I still appreciates it just the way it is.

From this day onwards, I'll be calmer,wiser and definitely,stronger. :)

It's time for a change

I used to have a plan figured out for my life. I used to think I know it all,the ending etc etc. But when the truth came up,I was left unspoken. It was the sudden and final showdown for me. So when I met someone who can ease my misery,I took my time to make sure that it's real. Well, truth be told,I didn't give myself enough time to think. I thought I have found my saviour. But this time,I'm gonna save myself instead. It never crossed my mind that too much time spent on each other will lead to a crappy relationship. Owh! I forgot. We don't have one. Maybe that's the REAL problem. I wanted to cry,hit him and run,but all I can do is smile. All I wanted was someone to call my own. Someone who will appreciate me as much as I appreciates him. Someone who won't be afraid to share his feelings with me. Maybe I have found him. Maybe I got to give him more time to think,or maybe it's too late. Now it's time for a change. For the first time in my life,I'm putting MYSELF first. not you,and definitely not others. It's been nice all this while but I do believe that there's gotta be more to my life than just living under your expectations. This time,I won't back down. U had your chances but u waste it. No more time will be given to u. It's now MY TIME to shine. adios

Little Miss Invisible

"I feel so invisible nowadays. Totally friendless. Totally ALONE."

I really wish somehow someone somewhere can make me believe again. The word "FRIENDS" have lost it's holiness. It meant nothing to everyone but me. How can this be? When friends are supposed to be the family that WE CHOSE. Somehow, nobody rely on it anymore. Friendship is now for the sake of social climbing dumb whore. I pity them.
I really do.

I've been a friend. A crying shoulder. Someone people can depend on when they need an advice. I have played my part as a friend,as honest as I can be. They hurt my feelings too often and yet I never complained. They abandoned me as if I'm not a human. They overlook to see that I was there.

ohh well,maybe I was never their friend to begin with. Maybe I'm just some "person" they met along their journey. I don't know. but I really hope someday,someone would see.



How sacred the word "friends" means to me.

Thanks for accepting me ; flaws and all

I'm a train wreck in the morning
I'm a bitch in the afternoon
Every now and then without warning
I can be really mean towards you

I'm a puzzle yes indeed
Ever complex in every way
And all the pieces aren't even in the box
And yet, you see the picture clear as day

I don't know why you love me
And that's why I love you
You catch me when I fall
Accept me, flaws and all
And that's why I love you
And that's why I love you
And that's why I love. . . mmmm

I neglect you when I'm working
When I need attention I tend to nag
I'm a host of imperfection
And you see past all that

I'm a peasant by some standards
But in your eyes I'm a queen
You see potential in all my flaws
And that's exactly what I mean

I don't know why you love me
And that's why I love you
You catch me when I fall
Accept me, flaws and all
And that's why I love you
And that's why I love you
And that's why I love. . .you

I don't know why you love me
And that's why I love you
You catch me when I fall
Accept me flaws and all
And that's why I love you
And that's why I love you
And that's why I love you
You, you, you

waiting..

I would like to fall deeply in love. I would like to let my guards down. I would like for someone to come and swept me off my feet. Oh yeah. I would like for many things to occur. But somehow, I still don't find the right time nor the right guy. Everytime I want to let myself fell deeply in love,something always came up to bring me back to reality. It hurts a LOT. Knowing that you can have your perfect moments within the reach of your fingertips. But then again,so much is holding me back. So many things at stake that I'm not ready to give up. I'm still waiting. yeah. I am.

When the time is right,we will know

Assalamualaikum

“aku dan dia dah putus…”

“kenapa?”

“aku dah x sayangkan dia. pelik bukan.tiba-tiba saja perasaan tu hilang”

“kau pasti dengan keputusan kau.kau x kesiankan dia? dia sayang kau…”

“kesian la jugak. tapi bila aku fikir balik. lagi kesian kalau aku teruskan. aku dah x mampu…”

“buatlah apa yang kau rasa terbaik….”

selepas setahun.

“aku geram. dia tipu aku. lepas setahun baru aku tahu…”

“kenapa? apa yang dah jadi…?”

“dia ada ramai perempuan belakang aku. dia tipu aku.aku rasa pedih. terlalu pedih…”

“kenapa kau pedih. kan perasaan kau dekat dia dah lama hilang”

“entah. mungkin rasa dikhianati. x dihargai.mungkin kalau aku sayang dia. sekarang aku dah longlai. separuh mati aku terluka. rabak. koyak. patah….”

“lupakanlah. jangan bebani hati fikiran diri kau dengan benda dah lepas ni…tidurlah dah lewat…”

“aku tak boleh stop. mata aku x boleh nak lelap .kecewa aku menggunung. otak aku overtime….”

.

beberapa bulan kemudian

“Aku selalu tertanya-tanya kenapa perasaan aku pada dia boleh hilang. Sekelip mata.”

“kau ada jawapan?”

…senyum “ada…mudah.”

“apa dia?”

“bila aku pandang semua benda yang jadi tu ada hikmah.aku mula refleksi balik segala apa yang aku dah buat.apa yang jadi dalam hidup aku.dan aku dapat jawapan.kau nak tahu?”

“kongsi lah…”

“Allah sayang aku. Dia taknak aku setia pada orang yang x hargai aku. Dia benarkan aku tahu kebenaran setelah setahun.mungkin masa tu baru kekuatan aku cukup untuk menampung kekecewaan aku.dan aku fikir-fikir balik, Allah beri yang terbaik untuk aku.sedangkan banyak benda yang aku lalai.hubungan aku dengan Allah aku terabai.”

“maksud kau?”

“aku banyak berfikir.refleksi balik segalanya.cari jawpan pada soalan-soalan aku.aku kadang-kadang lalai dalam mengingati Allah.leka dengan cinta lelaki.aku dah bazirkan masa,duit untuk cinta lelaki.aku dah sedar aku sepatutnya fokus cinta kepada Pencipta.nak tahu sesuatu?”

“teruskan aku dengar…”

“aku pernah tanya kenapa aku jumpa lelaki yang salah.sekarang aku rasa aku tahu kenapa.aku belum cukup baik.dan aku kena betulkan diri aku untuk dapat yang terbaik. Rasa cinta itu memang anugerah daripada Allah.tapi kita manusia ni lebih menghargai rasa cinta itu daripada Si Pemberi.

Kakak sepupu aku pernah cakap bila kita couple susah nak kawal bukan…rindulah sayanglah then gaduh sampai emo seminggu.lepas itu mula nak pegang-pegang tangan, bergambar rapat-rapat…sebab tu,lebih baik mencegah daripada mengubati bukan…”

“so sekarang?”

“aku tengah berjuang.menjadi lebih baik.doakan.selangkah.dua langkah…aku sedang berlari.mendekati Pencipta…”

“lelaki?cinta?”

“hanya yang Halal.janji Allah itu pasti.”

“kau yakin sekarang?rasa lebih baik?”

“alhamdulillah.semua jawapan-jawapan yang aku cari membawa aku pada Allah.aku nampak cahaya melambai-lambai dari jauh.cahaya itu yang buat aku bangun.dan ketenangan itu milik aku.sungguh,hikmah itu kalau dicari gali manisnya tiada berpenghujung.aku khilaf.sebab aku tahu Allah sentiasa ada, cuma manusia yang mencipta jarak.

Itu kata-kata yang aku rasa sesuai dengan situasi aku.mungkin dulu aku nak dekat dengan Dia bila nak sesuatu atau sedih kecewa saja.tapi sekarang aku dah sedar,faham tanggungjawab aku.Allah buktikan lagi sayang Dia pada aku dengan adanya perasaan ini.syukur ”

P/s: mmg ni la the exact words n cte yg ak nk smpikn. n mmg btol. ak da alami situasi yg sme. Alhamdulillah.

The sweetest thing

Girl: We are best friends, right?

Boy: Yes, of course.

Girl: So be honest with me, who do you like?
...
Boy: No one. I love someone.

Girl: Oh, she must be very lucky..

Boy: Definitely. I've loved her,
ever since I met her.

Girl: Really? Well, since we're best friends,
I wanna meet her. Go call her.

Boy: Oh okay.
*Boy takes out his phone,dials her number and phones her..*

Girl: Wait, hold on I think I'm getting a call.
*Answers the phone*

Boy: I love you ♥ ♥

=====================================================================

Budak kecik jgn main dgn API.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Ske ati ak la ak nk watpe. Ak nk gi mane. Ak nk susahkan sape. Asal ak x susahkan ko suda,rite?? Yang ko nk menyebok pasal hal ak apehal. Alaa. xyah nk belakon baek sgt dpn ak la. Ak bknnye bodo sgt pn. ak lg lme idop ngn pengecut2 mcm ko. So,ak x heran pn ape yg ko nk mengata kat blakang ak. Sebab ak tau ko x brani nk mengata dpn2. Muahahahaha. Sekarang ni senang je cara ak nk settle. Ko wat lg skali,ak akn face to face ngn ko. Lantak lahh ko nk maki ke,nanges ke coz the truth is I DON'T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT YOU. Ak x kesa pn klw ko nk bwk geng ke,suku sakat ko ke,kwn2 plastik ko ke..Ak bleh defend dri ak sendiri. Nape ak berani ckp cmni?? Sebab ak da pnah lalui semua ni. So klw stakat mende kecik mcm ko je,pls lahh. Ak x heran. Enuff said ;)

it's time for me to let u go. DELETE

Hm.. Found out the harshful truth today.. Selama ni ak xnak caye ape yang da btol ade dpn mate. Ak deny sbb ak still caye yg die baek selame ni. Tp for the first time in my life, mata n ati ak da t'bkk blk.. ak da nmpk the real situation.. Selama ni ak jz mainan je bg die.. haha. pedih la jgk.. tp xpe.. ak tau mmg die bkn utk ak.. n ak tau ade laki len yg lg layak utk dpt tmpt kat ati ak.. Ak x doakan kebahagiaan die.. tp ak x jgk doakan kehancuran die.. sng cte,die da xde dlm kamus idop ak skrg.. hanye sejarah tp ak da xkn toleh balik da.. Ak jz nk ucapkan trime kasih kt die sbb sedarkan ak yg ak masih muda n byk pilihan len yg ak ade. And mmg btol ape yg die pnah ckp dlu, DIA BUKAN YANG TERBAIK UNTUK AKU. Pasni ak harap ak akn jmpe ngn laki yg tulus n ikhlas hatinye. biarlah mke mcm samseng skalipun tp ati baek n mampu bimbing ak. Asal die mampu wat ak ktawe n bahagie,ak akn rse ckup sempurna. :)

Bercerita pasal keje plak.

Hi sume! chewahh. mcm rmi je yg ngadap blog buruk ak ni kn? haha. x kesa laa. yg penting ak nk tulis gak kt blog buruk ak nih. actually xde pape sgt pn nk cte. Ak skrg ni busy ngn bisnes ak tu. Alhamdulillah. Ok jgk la. Cukup la sekadar bagi ak mkn n shopping smpi semput. hihi. Tp yg klakanye skrg sbb pakcik2 skynet & poslaju yg kat melaka ni pon sampi da knal ak. SEBAB APE?? Sebab dorg selalu nk pos brg tp ak xde kat umah. ngahaha. sampai nk kne arrange time utk dorg dtg. ksian kat org2 yg post tu kan? dorg pn sampai da terhafal nme n umah ak. adeh.. mcm bahaye plak bunyiknye. tp xpe. ak tau niat dorg ikhlas. haha. Ak selalu gak terpikir nak sambung keje ak ni lpas abs degree. mule2 nak stop la kjap kan. tp x bleh laa. ble ak on9 n ade org tnye soklan je,mule la tgn ni menggatal nk reply. adehh. x kesa la org tu nk bli ke x,ak mst nak tlg reply jgk! hahaha. xpelaa. sy ikhlas. chewaaah! So last2,ak keje la sampai la ni. Ak hope sgt ak berjaya cipta nme n produk ak sendiri 1 day nanti. InsyaAllah. Hope kwn2 n family bleh doakan so that niat suci putih bersih ak nih akn tercapai. Ngeee~

knape mst jdk camni???

Ak pelik la dgn manusia ni.. sekejap kawan,sekejap lawan.. Ak jenis yg x ske nk side mne2 pihak sebab ak xnk ak pn terlibat dgn mne2 pergaduhan. Tp skrg x. Ak da xleh kwn dgn sume org. ak da xleh rapat ngn sume org. SEBAB APE?? sebab nanti org judge ak yg bukan2. kate ak jdk spy lahh. kate ak backstabber lahh. WHAT THE HELL??? Ak still diri ak. dari dulu sampai sekarang, ak still ak. Walaupun macam2 da berubah kat sekeliling ak,ak still camni. still lagi dgr problem korg. still lagi nk gelak dgn korg. Korg igt ak berlakon ke? ak wat sume tu ikhlas. Mne ade ak dpt balasan pape! And frankly laa,ak x harapkan pape pn dr korg. ak jz nk kawan2 ak je. Ni x.. korg sebok ngn hal korg. pastu ak yg tersepit kat tgh2 ni jdk mangse? tbe2 je ak yg jht. tbe2 je ak side die ni. ak side die tu. TOLONG LAHH PAHAM. ak xde kat side sape2 sbb ak hanye akn nyatakan ape yg ak rse btol. tu jek. Bkn sbb ak ni lemah n xleh decide nk sokong sape. TAPI SEBAB AK SAYANG SUME n ak rse x patut ak nk side sape2. Mmgla ade pihak yg btol n ade yg salah. Ak xkn komen pasal sume tu melainkan ak rse patut. tu jek. Ak x kesa la korg nk caye kat ak ke,xnak ke. yg penting,ak still kat sni klw korg ade problem. sape2 pn bleh dtg cri ak utk luahkan masalah korg. so xde reason utk korg memandai ckp kat belakang2 ak. Klw x puas ati, dtg jmpe ak n kte selesaikan. SIMPLE & EASY. xyah pening2 kpale pk tu, pk ni. Klahh. ak rse sesi luahan ati ak kali ni da selesai. cume ak nk btau,ak kecewa ngn sume yg da jdk skrg ni. Bkk la mate n hati korg sume. then korg akn nmpk sape yg x patut korg percaye. huhuhu

The riddles that u have to understand

“Just because I appear happy, doesn’t mean everything’s ok.
Just because I don’t listen to you, doesn’t mean I don’t care.
Just because I’m gullible, doesn’t mean you can lie to me.
Just because I’m sarcastic, doesn’t mean I don’t take things seriously.
Just because I’m not like you, doesn’t mean I’m weird.
Just because I don’t say I love you, doesn’t mean I don’t.”

This is true,you know. people tend to judge me a LOT. And it's weird coz most of them don't even know me. I don't like to say random things that can destroy my relationship with anyone,but that doesn't mean that I don't care & I don't listen. Actually,I care too much of my friends n family,only that I don't know how to show it. The only way that I know how is to help them when they are in need,be loyal to them & to guide them even when they feel that they are right. If all of these qualities makes me the "bad guy",then so be it. What I truly know is that my intention is good. :)

U ain't bringing me down!

There are moments in my life where people just wanna see me fall. They wanna see me quit and shiver but they never succeeded. I got a perfect song for anyone who has experienced the same thing they did to me. Enjoy!

I wouldn't wanna be anybody else.
You made me insecure
Told me I wasn’t good enough
But who are you to judge
When you’re a diamond in the rough
I’m sure you got some things
You’d like to change about yourself
But when it comes to me
I wouldn’t want to be anybody else

Na na na
Na na na

I’m no beauty queen
I’m just beautiful me

Na na na
Na na na

You’ve got every right
To a beautiful life
C'mon

[Chorus]
Who says
Who says you’re not perfect
Who says you’re not worth it
Who says you’re the only one that’s hurting
Trust me
That’s the price of beauty
Who says you’re not pretty
Who says you’re not beautiful
Who says


It’s such a funny thing
How nothing’s funny when it’s you
You tell ‘em what you mean
But they keep whiting out the truth
It’s like a work of art
That never gets to see the light
Keep you beneath the stars
Won’t let you touch the sky



Na na na
Na na na

I’m no beauty queen
I’m just beautiful me

Na na na
Na na na

You’ve got every right
To a beautiful life
C'mon

[Chorus]
Who says
Who says you’re not perfect
Who says you’re not worth it
Who says you’re the only one that’s hurting
Trust me
That’s the price of beauty
Who says you’re not pretty
Who says you’re not beautiful

[Bridge]
Who says
Who says you’re not start potential
Who says you’re not presidential
Who says you can’t be in movies
Listen to me, listen to me
Who says you don’t pass the test
Who says you can’t be the best
Who said, who said
Won’t you tell me who said that
Yeah, oh

[Chorus]
Who says
Who says you’re not perfect
Who says you’re not worth it
Who says you’re the only one that’s hurting
Trust me
That’s the price of beauty
Who says you’re not pretty
Who says you’re not beautiful

waking up one morning :)

Pg td mse ak bgn,ak tgk ade byk msg kt hp ak. ade customer la,kwn la. n bla3. haha. tp ade 1 msg ni yg wat ak tersenyum. 1 msg tu wat ak tau yg ak dihargai kt dunie yg besa nih. N ak nk ckp thnx sgt2 kat yg berkenaan. Ko da wat ati ak tenang dlm mse yg amat singkat. Ak hrp ko pn tau yg ko leh depend kt ak klw ko ade problem. Ak harap kte akn kekal rapat smpi ble2. Aminnn... :)

*xde kne mengena pn ngn entry ak. jz KAWAII je ;p*

Andai kau tahu..

Dlu mse kecik2,kte selalu berangan n pk ble da besa,kte akn keje n then dpt umah n kete *tpula klw korg x pnah pk cmtu kn.haha* Tp msetu kte xtau pn PERJALANAN yg kte perlu lalui before kte dpt sume tu. Cinta,sahabat n cita2. Sume tu maenkn peranan yg besa dlm idop kte sbg seorg student. okla. maybe ade org kate CINTA tu x penting. Tp kte ni remaja/young adult. So nk xnk kte mmg da kne pk psl mse dpn. wuwuwu. ni la bab yg ak plg takot skali nk cte skrg. Kne pk psl calon,kne pk psl parents n mcm2 lg. n wat mse skrg,sume tu ak nk ltak tepi dlu. SAHABAT plak,da tntu2 la penting dlm idop kte kn? x kire la kte student or manusia biase yg ddk tepi jln tuh. nape ak gnekan istilah "SAHABAT" n bkn "KAWAN". coz bg ak,kawan is jz org yg ko knal n bertegur sapa kt mne2 je. Sahabat plak is someone yg ko leh depend. ko leh cri die ble ko ssh n ko tau die akn ade utk ko. Kn byk bezanye tu? Sahabat akn byk mempengaruhi idop kte,lg2 as a student. So kte kne pndi pilih n hopes for the best. CITA2... ak xtau cmne nk explain ngn tajuk cmni. haha. dlu mse kecik2,ak nk jdk ckgu,pereka fesyen or doktor. haa. kemain lg kn? hahaha. then ble ak da btol2 tau bidang mne yg ak ske *which is Dietician/psychology*,rezeki plak membwk ak ke arah yg sgt berbeza. sbbtu ak kt UTeM skrg nih. haha. weird rite? Tp yela. Sume da ditentukan n ak kne redha. Kne percaye yg sume yg DIA tentukan is the best utk insan mcm ak ni. So skrg ak kt Melaka n tgh amk computer n electronic engineering. Ok. nme mmg sgt gah. pelajarannye pn SGT tough. Ak akn cbe sebaek mungkin even myb ak akn tersungkur jgk 1 ari nt. At least ak tau ak da try my best. Tu jela yg penting rite? hihi. Sme ade kte sdar or x,3 element ni sume mmg byk pengaruh idop kte. So make sure kte dh pilih yg terbaek so that idop kte nt x kucar kacir. All the best my dear readers. :)

Down & low

I never felt this low before. never in my life that i doubt my ability to be happy. but these past few days have turned my world around.
I have realized that I can no longer be happy and cheerful as I used to be.
It will take me double the time to trust the people around me.
It will take less to make me feel down.
Truth be told, I have lost my sense of identity.
I have lost my ability of being ME.